Welcome to my TED talk, sponsored by a random coworkers deep question.

I really do enjoy my job. I’ve made some great friends during my time there. For context, I’m a nurse — well, an LVN — but I’m working on it, okay? Don’t come for me like my family does.

Anyway, I think because everyone at work is always moving around or a little displaced, the dynamic is different. People have each other’s backs. It’s not catty like other places I’ve worked. I know that whenever I leave this job, the friendships I’ve built here will stick around.

Today, during a conversation with a coworker, we talked about a dating event I went to recently. I’m single and semi-ready to mingle — don’t judge me. The event was themed around popular duos. You’d be one half of a pair — like mac and cheese, Bonnie and Clyde, Thing 1 and Thing 2 — and had to find your match to win a free drink. It was meant to break the ice and get people talking.

Honestly, I had fun — and even made a new girl friend, which was unexpected. We ended up hiding out in the bathroom for a bit, chatting about who we thought was cute, our types, and who gave off weird vibes. We stuck together the rest of the night.

A few coworkers knew I was going and sent me off with well wishes and hopes that I wouldn’t get kidnapped… or “adult-napped,” as one of them put it.

That was a few weeks ago, and today a coworker — let’s call him Bob — asked if I was still talking to any of the guys I met. I told him I’d gotten a few texts, but I hadn’t replied to any of them.

I know, I know — bad etiquette, playing games, or whatever you want to call it. The truth is, I just didn’t feel like responding.

Then Bob hit me with some hard-hitting questions. Are you ready for this?

He asked if I’d hit what I consider to be rock bottom — and whether the trauma from my last relationship (two years ago) is the reason I’m so hesitant to commit.

PAUSE.

I don’t think of myself as non-committal, but I am avoidant. Still, no one’s ever called me out so… politely.

And honestly? Yeah. A lot of who I am now probably is shaped by that relationship. It was traumatic, to say the least — more on that some other time — but I’ve never thought about how it might still be impacting me in subtle ways.

Was I afraid to commit? Or just too lazy to text back?

With just two questions, Bob read me like a book. He’s always been intuitive like that — he could honestly moonlight as a psychic or tarot reader (if you believe in that sort of thing).

Anyway, the point is: while I’ve done a lot of healing, I still have a long way to go.

His questions made me think deeply about who I am and who I want to become. It forced me to admit that right now, I can’t dedicate time or energy to someone else. I need to shift my mindset — and that’s a tough pill to swallow.

Because what if I’m… the problem?

I like to think I’m self-aware and reflective. But maybe I spend more time admiring the good parts of myself than working on the bad. And that’s where I always get stuck on this healing journey.

How?

How do I change my mindset?
How do I pivot my goals and motivations?
How do I let go of the anger and resentment?

We always see the highlight reel — the “grass is greener” version — but not the messy middle. Probably because it’s uncomfortable. Who really wants to see that?

But what I’m learning is that nothing is set in stone. If you want to reinvent yourself every damn day, go for it.

If I wake up and say, “I don’t like who I am — I’m changing that,” then what’s stopping me?

Nothing.

I don’t really have advice to give, because I’m still figuring it out too. But if one thing from this ramble sticks, I hope it’s this:

You’re not alone.
It’s called a journey for a reason.
And maybe… it’s time we turn the page.